Transsiberian

Somerville, Mass - Last week we went to see Transsiberian, the new "mystery-train movie" starring Woody Harrelson and Emily Mortimer. It was the perfect entertainment as I turn my attention to updating the Lonely Planet guide to the Trans-Siberian Railroad.

As a film, Transsiberian is an entertaining and exciting thriller with a disappointing ending. Harrelson and Mortimer are an unknowing but likeable American couple, Roy and Jessie, traveling from Beijing to Moscow by train (technically the Trans-Manchurian branch of the railroad, but we won't get sidetracked by technicalities). Along the way, they meet up with a charming but dangerous drug-running duo and a duplicitous narcotics detective (Ben Kingsley), thus entangling themselves in a very messy drug transaction. The suspense-filled storyline unravels at the end. The NY Times review claims that "it gets sidetracked" but I'll take it a step further and call the ending a train wreck - in more ways than one.

Much of the movie is actually flmed on the train, as it trundles through snow-covered Siberia. The cinematography is spectacular, giving a wonderful sense of the vastness of the landscape and the emptiness of the countryside. It is also a pretty accurate depiction of life on the train... the close quarters in the cabins, the sometimes raucous atmosphere in the dining car, the less-than-tantalizing toilet. If you ever wondered what it's like to ride the Trans-Siberian Railroad, this film will give you a good idea (minus the danger, death and destruction, most likely).

Actually, there is no guarantee that you won't be embroiled in some sort of intrigue. Much of the film takes place in the tiny town of Ilansky, where our leading couple gets sidetracked. Turns out this is the same town where my co-author, Simon, once got arrested for taking photos of the old locomotive and water tower at the station.

One recurring theme in the film is the unflinching nastiness of the provodnitsa, the train version of a flight attendant. In this film, the provodnitsa ignores the Americans' simple requests (no matter how loudly they are yelled at her in English); she pounds on doors and scowls at cameras; and she always, always yells.

Now, in all my years of riding trains in Russia, I may have met the occasional cranky provodnitsa, but this was ridiculous. It was a crack-up, but it was ridiculous. Most of these ladies are patient, pleasant and particularly attentive to foreigners on their car. Even the cranky ones are much more passive in their aggression. (Still, I had to admit it was a little funny to see the Hollywood depiction of the Russian - ahem - service culture.)

The biggest thrill of this thriller? Roy and Jessie use the Lonely Planet! My book on the Trans-Siberian Railroad is prominently featured, lying enticingly on the bunk in the train cabin, while the action takes place in the background. Maybe I'm not in the movies yet but my book is!